After a super long, super stressful week one of my friends had the courtesy to have a birthday which gave me the perfect excuse for a bit of a getaway. I wasn't expecting to spend two nights with her and without my kids but a certain somebody had class today so I wouldn't have been able to use the car to get here for a day trip. And of course he didn't want me taking the kids away for the whole weekend. So, I walked onto the ferry and she picked me up on the other side and I will be here until Sunday. Temporary freedom to recharge and get my head in a better space than when I left.
Thursday night was the hardest night so far. Earlier in the day he had been begging me to change my mind and was making all sorts of promises to try and convince me he could change. Once the kids went to bed we had a talk where I told him, again, that my answer was still that I wanted a divorce. It did not go over well. He tried begging again, repeatedly, and I finally had to remind him that if he did anything out of line (and that begging and hurting me more was out of line) that he would be out of the house immediately instead of in April. That also didn't go over well and he brought up all sorts of history that my already frazzled nerves couldn't handle and whatever calm I'd managed to hang onto up to that point dissolved and I was a mess.
Someday he won't have that power over me anymore.
So, when my friend suggested I come to her place for the weekend I jumped on the chance. I needed out of the house desperately. I wish the kids could have come with me, I miss them horribly, but if I wanted to make it through the next week with their dad in the house, i needed a break. I went out to dinner with her and her family last night, today is her party, and tonight we may be going out for drinks to celebrate her big day. I can't tell you the last time I have done any of that without having to ask about it, explain exactly where I'm going, who I'll be with, and how long I'll be gone. I have had not a single ounce of spontaneity in my life for the past 5 years and have had probably less, if possible, time with my friends because I simply gave up trying to have a life outside of him.
Thank goodness for my temporary freedom.