Back in March I wrote about what marriage equality meant to me and while it wasn't a long post it touched on how I truly feel about marriage equality. Over the past five months as more states have been added to the list of those that allow same-sex marriages, and since moving from that does to one that only has domestic partnerships, I've had a lot of time to think. I know, I know, that's where the burning smell is coming from. Really though, I've thought a lot about this.
L and I are incredibly happy how we are. For all intents and purposes we are living like we're married already but the truth of it is that we're not. While us not being married really doesn't affect us at all in our personal lives and how we interact with each other I still want to be. I want it so badly. Yep, there it is for all the world to see, I want to marry my silly, compassionate, wonderful L. I've always been a believer in second chances and what L and I have now is one huge second chance, one that I want to enjoy to its fullest and with no regrets. I dream of the day that I will be able to call her my wife.
However, the catch here is that while L isn't opposed to the idea of marriage, she just isn't ready. There is a lot to take into consideration before we take that plunge and I can understand why she wants to take her time to think it all over. If it were just her and me involved in this whole thing it might be an easier decision for her, but we are raising two kids together as well (mine biologically but hers in heart which matters just as much!). She wants to make sure that whatever decision we make will do right by C & R, as well as me and her. There are also other things she needs to be able to take time thinking about too, and as ready as I am to throw all caution to the wind and just go for it I really admire her for wanting to be confident in her decision.
So, while my heart gets all warm and fuzzy and my eyes get misty at wedding stories, pictures and videos, I will just keep dreaming for now. It may not be tomorrow, but hopefully someday in the relatively near future my lips will get to say the words that my heart already has and we will be able to share our love with our closest friends and family in a ceremony that is just as quirky and full of love and laughter as our life together already is. I can't wait to see what our future holds!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Well, the post-move/before-start-of-school insanity is kicking in. The house isn't fully unpacked yet, getting C enrolled in a school close to our house was a nightmare, and we're dead broke. Yay!
Okay, so maybe that yay really does make me seem crazy but I'm really beginning to feel it. This move was killer on our finances and while I don't regret making it for an instant, the fact that it cost us nearly twice as much to move here as we expected, and that we're still paying on the house we left in WA until October 1st, means that buying school supplies and uniforms (yep, both kids' schools require uniforms instead of regular clothes) is going to be incredibly hard. Can you feel my stress levels rising yet? If you can't, just keep reading.
Even if we were still in WA and our finances weren't so dire I'd still be feeling the crazies right about now, however. The impending upheaval in our family's daily lives is going to change everything. Both kids will be going to school for the first time in only a matter of weeks. My house will be empty of chatter, and screaming, and giggles for at least 3 hours a day while both kids are gone, and then even after R gets home from preschool its still going to be strangely quiet because by herself she's quiet as a mouse most of the time. Then, once they're both home there is going to be homework to be done and stories to be told of their days spent away from me. That'll be cool, but really weird.
While I am excited for both C & R to go to school, because they are both so excited, I'm also getting pretty anxious as well. I had sincerely hoped that both kids would be in the same school but as things have worked out they just won't be. This means instead of one set of parents, teachers, and staff to get used to and try and fit in with I will have two sets. Instead of only having to worry about how our kids would be accepted at one school for having two mommies who don't happen to be incredibly religious I'm now faced with two.
On the whole, I love our new city and our new life here. But this whole school thing has me more than a little nervous. I have no idea when the proper time is to mention to the kids' teachers that, oh by the way, I'm not their only mommy. When I was doing C's enrollment papers the other day I think is when this hit me. There were questions asking about who the child lives with, and what those people's relationships were to the child. There were places for "parent/guardian #1" and "parent/guardian #2" and a third place for "parent the child doesn't live with". It was cool, but a bit startling that the forms weren't just limited to mom and dad but that they made it pretty generic for any possible parenting combination.
When I got home from enrolling C, and the two of us being given the grand tour by one of the lovely secretaries, L asked me if I had mentioned that C had two mommies and I immediately felt bad that I hadn't. If anybody actually takes the time to read the forms it will be crystal clear that he does, but it never came up in conversation and I was honestly too nervous to say anything. I don't want C's first experience with school to have a shadow hanging over it before he even starts just because of who I love and am planning on spending my life with. R is a lot more durable than her brother when it comes to change and not a whole lot phases her so even if there are issues at her school as well I have a feeling I will be able to cope with those better than if there are some at C's school.
My big worry right now is how/when to tell people about our family. Where do I even start? With the kids' teachers? With the super sweet secretary? With the principal? With another parent? A secondary worry I have has to do with those annoying money issues I mentioned earlier. Most of the local assistance groups that help with school supplies and uniform costs are religious groups. And while I wish it wasn't the case, I know that many of those groups do not like or approve of our type of family and I honestly would feel horribly awkward even going to them for assistance in the first place.
Luckily I have L. She's not much of a social butterfly, much like myself, but at least she is better able to handle my worries than I am. She's the more level headed of the two of us by far. I know that even if things do get rocky at either of the kids' schools she'll be able to help me not overreact too much. I just wish I had at least one connection to a family like ours here, that way I could hopefully talk to other parents who have been through the worries I'm going through right now that could laugh and tell me everything will be just fine.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
On top of the house problems I've been fighting with my once-broken foot. It has been causing me a lot of pain and just the other night I kicked one of our boxes of stuff destined for the thrift store. Today is day three since doing that and I'm only just now able to put my full weight on it again. My down time from my foot means that the mountain of boxes hasn't shrunk at all since I hurt it. We have unpacking and projects to get done but I just can't be on my foot for long. Its so incredibly frustrating.
Despite the issues we've been dealing with, I'm really coming to love our new hometown. I've got two amazing friends here, both of whom have kids the same ages as C & R so they've got friends here too. We live a block from one big park, and two from a smaller one. The big one just behind our house has a pool and a free splash park (fountains for the kidlets to splash around in) and both have nice play equipment. There is a zoo not far away, a children's museum, and so many different activities for the kids that I just can't wait to have the time to get them involved in something.
Speaking of time, we've got just over three weeks until C's first day of Kindergarten and 1 month until R's first day of Pre-K! I can't believe both of our kids are starting school this year, its just so strange. They are both super excited about going to school though so I'm excited for them. Just need to figure out where to get uniforms and find their school supply lists and get them ready. Also need to change our address with the school district and hopefully get C into a school closer to our house. As it is, the one he's enrolled at now is a 10+ minute drive from our house and since both he and R will need to be dropped off at/by 8am at different schools that'll be horribly inconvenient. Oh well, the school district doesn't open up again until the 5th of August so I guess I'll just have to wait.
There are so many things left to do before we're totally settled but at least we're here. Our family is back together (with the addition of my mom) and even though they talk to him a couple nights a week on Skype, the kids are finally adjusting to just living with L and me. The stability of being in just one house is proving a good thing for them, just like we thought it would. C is having fewer accidents at night and is being a little less defiant and R, well she's three so she's just going to be crazy for a while no matter what. Over-all the stress on everybody seems to have lessened since we got here. I miss our friends and family back in WA, but so far CO is proving to be a great fit for our family.