Sunday, August 16, 2015

Revival and redirection

What's a girl to do with her blog after she's been inactive for a year?  Delete it?  Nah, it was key in helping me move beyond my abusive past.  Ignore it and create a new one?  Nope, this one is tied to do many other bits of me.  Rename it?  Not that either, because the title still fits what I'm hoping will be its ultimate purpose.  So the question remains...

For now I think a quick update on me is a good place to start, because life has certainly changed since last I wrote anything here.

About 2 months after I posted last, L's mom died suddenly of brain cancer.  It threw our whole family for a loop and definitely put a damper on our big day which happened a month later in July.  Ten days before our wedding, my sister-in-law also died unexpectedly.  It was a rough month leading up to our wedding.

After the wedding I started school up again in the fall, continuing to work on getting my classes done for the CSU-P nursing program I was wanting to take.  Unfortunately part way through the semester I had to withdraw due to debilitating pain which was eventually diagnosed as fibromyalgia.

Shortly after my diagnosis we adopted a puppy, dealt with her and my big dog getting parvo from the dirt in our rental house's yard, rescued another puppy rehomed her and had to nurse her through parvo as well.  After the parvo ordeals we moved out of that house and the city to a nice little place in the country about 20 minutes away.  C transfered schools to the one closer to our new home but R still had to attend the one in the city because there was no pre-k at the school by our place.  The drive quickly got super annoying, especially when R started ballet lessons and we had to drive into the city multiple time/day...

I've been fighting my new diagnosis for almost a year now without much luck in treating the pain.  I have gone through three doctors before finding one that didn't assume I was just drug seeking or too heavy and even though seeing a specialist would probably open up other options to treat the pain, the thought of the emotional trauma of dealing with more doctors is too intimidating.  All the meds I've tried, ones specifically for my condition either cause migraines or lose effectiveness quickly.

This pain is the latest bit of darkness in my life and finding the light each day can be a daunting task indeed.  Luckily I've got an amazing wife who supports me and understands that I truly am not the same person I was before I got hit with the pain.  Her genuine caring and love are still something I'm getting used to, even now.  I got glimpses of other people's good marriages while I was still married to the ex and I always dreamed about having a love like that.  I finally do.  Another bit of light in my life, two other people who understand what I'm going through, are my boyfriend (yes I said boyfriend, I'll explain later) and his lovely wife who is also a fibro sufferer.  Their support and love have been huge in helping me make it through the last few months without utterly losing my mind.

Along with helping me see the light through the darkness the pain brings to my life, J has also been a true blessing in helping me continue to recover from the abuse from my ex.  It is partially because of his presence in my life that I feel its the time to redirect the purpose of the blog.  Less about my recovery from the abuse, and more about my particular health issues in addition to the normal daily life adventures of our not so typical family.   If/when you get to this post J, thank you for bringing even more light into my life!  I love you!