Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A little less uncertainty

Yesterday was possibly the most terrifying thing to ever happen to me. Sure I've been in scary situations before, dealt with tough things in my life, but nothing has ever outright shaken me to my core like that. I hope to never experience anything like that again, but I'm relatively young and I am well aware that there is still plenty of time in my life for things to happen. All I know is that if I ever have to go through something like that again I want L at my side like she was yesterday.

If you had asked me yesterday before the wreck if L was going to become a permanant part of my life I honestly couldn't have told you. Her joining our family, becoming a parent to two kids that aren't hers, was really intimidating for her. Loving me wasn't, but making that huge decision was just something she needed to think about. Last night as we were trying desperately to calm down and get some rest we talked and cried and just tried to heal. While we were talking I worked up the nerve to ask her something that came to mind, something I was scared to ask but hoped for more than anything, I asked her if she still had to make her decision. Her answer? No. That made me both more nervous and more hopeful so I had to clarify and the answer she gave me still makes me smile. She will be with me, with C & R, she will become part of our family.

Not sure when exactly she'll me moving to live with us, likely around the time her current lease is up in December (which is too far away for both our tastes), but the important part is that she will be. She will be more than just "mine bisitor" to C and more than just a really nice snuggle buddy to R. Losing that bit of uncertainty in my life is not only a huge relief but a huge sense of happiness. Someday in the coming months my heart will be whole and in one state again, rather than separated across half the country. I can't wait.

Until that time, to ease some of my anxiety of being away from her in case of emergencies L has offered to give her roommate my phone number and email. He's a great guy, the little bit I got to see him on my visit I really liked him, and I'm sure that he will let me know if something ever happens to her. Here's hoping he never has to use that information. I've also told her I'd give my mother her email and phone number too for the same reason because at 3.5 years and nearly 2 years neither C or R are old enough to let L know. Despite Mom's initial reservations regarding my relationship with L I'm pretty confident that she'll do what I ask when it comes to this if for no other reason than that she'll know how important it will be to me. Again, here's hoping she never has reason to use the information.

Anyway, yay for finally having things a little less uncertain in my future and looking like I might actually get my happy ending. I love you L, so very very much.

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