Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Heartbreaking day

I have been so excited for this day to come, the start of Spring Quarter! Only it started off really, really bad... My good friend, the woman who was my doula for R's birth, called me this morning to tell me that the baby she had been carrying for 17 weeks had passed away and that she was in labor. She asked me to double check and make sure he school knew (we're both in the same Nursing program) and to let our classmates know. Of couse I told her I would, and as soon as I hung up the phone I had to fight back tears.

I somehow managed not to cry at all today until I saw her post on facebook that the baby had been a girl. The girl she has dreamed about for so long. The baby she will never get to watch grow up is he girl she had been hoping for with all her heart. Her name was beautiful and perfect. She will be very missed.

And while this is the worst part of my day by far, I've been exchanging emails with the STBE regarding visits with the kids and him watching them while I'm at clinicals and such and in one of his emails he mentioned wantin to take the kids on a trip around the same time I want to go visit L. I told him that if we could coordinate our trips then it would probably work out better for everybody. The email he sent me back was rude and kinda got to me. Him telling me I didn't need to "hide" her (meaning L) and that he just wanted to be done with this garbage and get the divorce papers signed. Garbage. Well, it probably shouldn't bother me but it does. Having our marriage called garbage by the man who swears up and down that he never abused me... Grr.

Anyway, just needed to vent my heartbreak and frustration today. Not much else going on.

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