Perspective

I got it handed to me today. Or more like thrown in my face as the back end of a camper came flying at us from oncoming traffic as the truck hauling it plowed into the back end of a UPS truck. Thank all the gods that L's reflexes are so good or we could have been seriously hurt. As it is only the rental car and a mailbox were victims on our end. The drivers of the UPS truck and the truck that was hauling the camper, however, both got hauled off to the hospital.

We were on the way to drop me off at the airport for my flight home and needless to say I'm not flying out today after all. Instead I'm parked on her couch with my music blasting while she's down on her front porch trying to calm down. We are both incredibly shaken and I know we are both grateful that we are both safe and not hurt. It could have been so much worse though. As it was a piece of the UPS truck flew off and hit the rental car windshield and if it had been just a little bit higher it could have come through rather than just bouncing off. If it had come through... The possibilities from that point on scare me shitless.

After everything we've been through to get to this point I very possibly could have lost her. And that isn't okay with me. We had a really long talk last night and while it wasn't exactly pleasant it was much needed. Durin that talk I told her flat out that I never wanted to lose her again and I just almost did. Only 5.5 hours ago that damn camper jacknifed into our lane and I nearly lost my love.

It was awful not being able to talk to her because of the STBE and its so hard not having her in my life on a daily basis but to lose her for good? I have all the dreams and wishes about a future with her and those almost got stolen from me in the blink of an eye because somebody wasn't paying enough attention. Her and I aren't certain for sure where our relationship is going but when all is said and done I want her with me for the longhaul. If that involves marriage somewhere down the line, okay, if it doesn't thats fine too. If it involves having children together, great, if not then okay. All I know is that I want her with me, loving me, loving C & R, and not being so damn far away.

I am now scared to death something horrible is going to happen to her while I'm in WA and I won't be here to be with her. Who would know to contact me? Even if anybody did, would they know how? Why does my love, my heart, have to live so far away from where I have to stay because of the STBE's stubborness (won't let me move with C & R) and my school? My heart is being torn in two between my littlest loves and the amazing woman I have loved for so long.