Tuesday, May 15, 2012

More crazy complications in my life

Why is it that when I think I finally have a handle on things that my whole world gets turned upside down again?  Sure, it wasn't easy juggling school, the kids (and sharing them with their father), and being away from L yet I was managing. But now, thanks to the horrendous pain that has taken over my life, both the kids and I are spending a lot of time with the STBE. Considering the past, and the fact that there is a protection order in place, I wouldn't blame you for wondering what I'm thinking. Hell, I wonder what I'm thinking. All I know is that he is willing and able to help me.  If this is indeed endometriosis, then the last time I dealt with all of this I didn't have kids so I was able to be a lot more focussed on myself.  This time with C & R running around, I don't have that luxury.  I need to be able to make sure that both them, and me, are taken care of and unfortunately I'm not able to do that when the pain is at its worst.  That is where the STBE comes in.

Last night all three of us stayed the night with the STBE at his place. Yep, you read that right.  Why?  Because I couldn't get off the couch becaue the pain was so awful.  There was no way I could have taken care of the kids last night without his help.  Is this going to become a regular thing?  I hope not, but if we aren't able to figure out what is causing the pain then I'm going to continue needing help and he has said he is willing to give it.  Am I okay with this?  I'm not sure.  Accepting help from somebody I'm not sure I even trust anymore is really really hard.  If C & R weren't in the picture I can honestly tell you I wouldn't be doing it.  Is L okay with me spending the night at the house of the man who raped me?  She doesn't like it because she doesn't trust him anymore than she can throw him, but she is glad that there is somebody who can help me while she is so far away even if it is him.

Basially the situation is just really weird and more than a little complicated. I have to say though, since we've been spending so much time here, he has been nothing but a gentleman towards me.

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