Friday, August 16, 2013

What the heart wants

Back in March I wrote about what marriage equality meant to me and while it wasn't a long post it touched on how I truly feel about marriage equality.  Over the past five months as more states have been added to the list of those that allow same-sex marriages, and since moving from that does to one that only has domestic partnerships, I've had a lot of time to think.  I know, I know, that's where the burning smell is coming from.  Really though, I've thought a lot about this.

L and I are incredibly happy how we are.  For all intents and purposes we are living like we're married already but the truth of it is that we're not.  While us not being married really doesn't affect us at all in our personal lives and how we interact with each other I still want to be.  I want it so badly.  Yep, there it is for all the world to see, I want to marry my silly, compassionate, wonderful L.  I've always been a believer in second chances and what L and I have now is one huge second chance, one that I want to enjoy to its fullest and with no regrets.  I dream of the day that I will be able to call her my wife.

However, the catch here is that while L isn't opposed to the idea of marriage, she just isn't ready.  There is a lot to take into consideration before we take that plunge and I can understand why she wants to take her time to think it all over.  If it were just her and me involved in this whole thing it might be an easier decision for her, but we are raising two kids together as well (mine biologically but hers in heart which matters just as much!).  She wants to make sure that whatever decision we make will do right by C & R, as well as me and her.  There are also other things she needs to be able to take time thinking about too, and as ready as I am to throw all caution to the wind and just go for it I really admire her for wanting to be confident in her decision.

So, while my heart gets all warm and fuzzy and my eyes get misty at wedding stories, pictures and videos, I will just keep dreaming for now.  It may not be tomorrow, but hopefully someday in the relatively near future my lips will get to say the words that my heart already has and we will be able to share our love with our closest friends and family in a ceremony that is just as quirky and full of love and laughter as our life together already is.  I can't wait to see what our future holds!

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