I had an interesting conversation with one of my friends, B, today. She has been through a similar situation to mine (spousal sexual assault) and she too is now in a healthier relationship. While I was talking to her about my new love and how much L knows about my relationship with my ex I used the words "rape" and "abuse" and various other ones like those. And she stopped me short and told me she was proud of me for being able to talk about what happened.
I talked with B a little bit more and I explained to her that, hard as it is, its important to me to be able to put words to what happened and to talk about it because I know there are people out there like me. People who have been through a horrible situation (abuse, divorce, infertility, chronic pain/illness, etc...) and who likely feel so incredibly isolated because of it. I talk about the hard stuff so that other people will know they aren't alone. Even if they aren't ready, willing, or able to talk about the hard stuff right away, they at least know that when they are ready that somebody will be there to listen. What B told me after that completely validated everything I had just said because she told me that while she isn't able to talk about it all just yet, that hearing me talk about it is "very very helpful".
This blog was originally meant to help me process the hard stuff going on in my life by laying things out "on paper" so to speak. I've always been able to think more clearly once I write things down and I'm actually able to see my thoughts before me and go over them. I had hoped that by having this blog public that maybe somebody in need of knowing they weren't alone would find it. And while B had no idea about my blog, if what I have been doing this past year to help myself has actually enabled me to help even one person, even just a little bit, in their own healing process then I know it was the right thing to do.
I have always been a fixer, have always wanted to help people when I can see them hurting. With this great thing called the internet I don't actually see a lot of the friends I've made in person but that doesn't change the fact that if I know when they're hurting and that I want to help. Heck, there are people out there that I don't even know but I know they're hurting and I want to help them too. If my talking about hard topics has even a smidgen of a chance of helping them the way it has helped B then I will certainly keep doing it. The more people speak up, the less alone we will all feel, and the stronger we will all become knowing that we've got support and understanding.
**Funny little bit of trivia: I used to write RP (role play storylines) on a forum and that's where I met both B and L as well as a few of my other good friends. I will forever be grateful to that board, and the author who's books our RP was based off of, for those friendships. One of which eventually developed into the amazing relationship I have with L now.