Sunday, January 13, 2013

New normal and parenting woes.

I'm learning to adjust to my new normal.  L is pretty well settled, school is back in session for me, and the kids are spending more time with their dad.  Its weird.  The first two make me really happy, the third I have mixed feelings about.  I love having alone time with L, its great to be able to just have peace and quiet in the house and just do grown up things without having to worry about little people's needs all the time.  At the same time, I'm prone to nightmares about something bad happening to them when they aren't here.  I trust their dad with them but I guess I've just gotten so used to them always being here that it freaks me out on a subconscious level when they aren't.

I feel guilty, but despite enjoying the quiet time I sometimes still think it'd be easier for all of us if we didn't have to juggle which home the kids were going to be at.  I want the kids to see their dad, they love him so much, but I'm really not sure how well C is handling the instability of it all.  Its too much change all the time.  He's been mouthier and has been having more potty accidents lately and while the sass might just be due to his age the potty issues aren't.  Why can't co-parenting with an ex be simpler?

I really wish I had the money to put C in preschool because that way he'd at least have one stable thing through out the week even if his home isn't.  He needs the socialization, the structure, and he could really benefit from the learning environment too.  Too many things I can't offer him and it makes me feel like I'm in over my head at times.  I always wanted to homeschool the kids, but as they get older I'm realizing that its probably not for us just because I am too unorganized to do it regularly.  I've got workbooks for him that we work on sometimes but that normally only lasts a few minutes at a time because he doesn't have the attention span for it and, admittedly, I don't seem to have the patience and tolerance to deal with his lack of focus.

If I can't get him into preschool, it would at least be nice to find him an activity he can do.  I had him in swimming last year and he really loved that and I'd love to do that again but I think something with a bit more activity would be good for him too.  He's like a cooped up puppy at times and really needs an outlet for all of his pent up energy. 

Maybe, if I'm really lucky, someday I'll figure out this whole parenting thing...

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