Miles into memories

I can't believe I haven't written in over two weeks with everything that's been happening.  The day after my last posting I finally got notification that I passed my State Board, I am an actual licensed nurse!  Now starts the annoying part of searching for a job.  I'm looking and looking, but it seems that most places really just aren't hiring newly graduated LPNs (licensed practical nurses).  They advertise that they hire new graduates, but those are either RNs (registered nurses) or MAs (medical assistants) and I'm beginning to get more than a teensy bit frustrated with the whole thing.  I've found a couple places that I'm going to submit my resume and an application to, but first I need to put the finishing touches on my resume.  Its an entirely different animal from any other resume I've done in the past and its proving tricky to get just right.  It'll be very interesting to see what my future in nursing holds for me.

 

In other news, in just nine days the miles that have separated L and I for so many years will be nothing but a memory. L will be here in my arms for good and I can't quit smiling! I've tried explaining it to C & R, but they're 2.5 and 4, they just don't quite realize that when I say, "L is going to be living with us soon," that I mean something other than that she'll be visiting with us again. They don't realize that we'll ever have to say goodbye to her again. I think once she is here and they realize that she isn't going anywhere that they are going to be as excited as me. No matter how happy I am about all of this, I still almost can't believe that it's actually happening.  The impromptu trip I took out to OH the day after her birthday (as a combo birthday surprise/packing assistance trip) and helping her pack and ship 8 or 9 boxes of her stuff to my house has helped make it all more real though.  After all, if she doesn't move out here I've got tons of her stuff for no reason.  Why would she do that?  I know for a fact she's coming and soon I will have boxes to prove it and to tuck away until her arrival. 

With all of this happening at once it seems like my heart and my life are finally being given permission to move on.  Like they are finally being released from the darkness and limbo they've been in for so long.  Its a shock to the system to realize that I may finally be coming back to who I used to be, or at least as close as I can all things considered.  I've been told that because of everything that has happened, and because I not only survived it but came out on top of it all, that I'll be a stronger person for it.  Honestly, strength is all well and good but I just want to revel in the love and happiness I know is out there for me.  The strength will help me with any new struggles that come my way, but for a while I just want to enjoy my dreams coming true.

Oh, and for the first time since last April I saw a rainbow.  It was dancing in the moisture blowing around the plane's wings as I flew home from OH on Tuesday.  It was a beautiful and welcome sight and I can't help but believe that somebody or something was reminding me of the promise I was given back in April. 

Here's to the future, memories, dreams, and promises!

The magic in a rainbow

My gaze kept drifting between the trees rushing past outside the car window and the face of the woman I love in the driver's seat.  Today was a difficult day, I was going home.  My vacation to see her wasn't nearly long enough and I did not want to get on that plane.  We hadn't really talked much since getting in the car and my guess was that she was lost in her own thoughts just like I was. 

 
I will never know what she was thinking about that day, but my thoughts were along the lines of not wanting to lose her again and not wanting to go home to the drama I knew awaited me.  I think what brought me out of my thoughts was the feeling of her thumb rubbing on my hand, and I looked down at our hands and smiled.  There was a little rainbow dancing on our joined hands, moving over our skin as the car followed the contours of the road. 

What happened next, a muttered, "Oh shit!" from L followed by her tearing her hand away from mine so she could steer us to safety, changed my life forever.  We both came out of the accident in one piece thankfully, and I later told her what I'd seen the light doing on our joined hands, but it took me just over six months from the day of the accident to make a connection. 

Now I don't normally make a big deal out of my spiritual beliefs but I think its important here to note that I do not consider myself a Christian.  I have no problems with God, mind you, just many of his followers.  That said, I'm not sure what exactly prompted me to think about it, but as I was driving to the bank today it hit me: God made a promise with a rainbow after the flood that he would never again do something so drastic.

I can't help but wonder if maybe the sweet little rainbow dancing across mine and L's joined hands was a promise too.  A promise that this time the love I have will last, that I won't lose her to my own stupidity again, or that we would survive what was about to happen to us.  I'm not sure.  Maybe it was just a fluke of light shining through the windshield at just the right angle.  The logical part of me says its probably the latter, but the part of me that believes in magic, miracles, and higher powers really wants to believe in the former. 

Rainbows have been considered a sign of hope in many cultures, in others they have been considered a message.  Before the accident I just thought of them as beautiful flukes of nature, light reflecting through water (or sometimes glass/crystal).  I haven't seen one since that day but I'm pretty sure that the next time I do it won't just be a fluke to me anymore, it will be something a bit more magical.