Life turned upside down

So, shortly after my last post we made a very unpleasant discovery about our rental house that we moved into in July.  I'd been getting nasty blistered bug bites starting a couple weeks after we moved here and we thought it was just mosquitoes or some nasty flies.  It wasn't.  What it turned out to be, we discovered after we sprayed for possible fleas, was bedbugs.  Yep.  Bedbugs.  Is your skin crawling at the idea?  Mine is too.  Even now, knowing the house has been sprayed, my skin still crawls.

If you're wondering just what about yucky bedbugs have to do with my life being turned upside down, let me explain.  Those blistered bug bites were an allergic reaction to the bugs, which considering I'm allergic to other kinds of bugs and lots of other things (plants, animals, dust, etc.), isn't really all that surprising.  Unpleasant and annoying, but not surprising.  Most people their story with bedbugs would end as soon as you get the house sprayed.  Unfortunately, its extremely expensive to spray for bedbugs when a house is inhabited because all of the furniture and personal belongings of the people need to be sprayed too.  Our landlord balked at the price, offered to try DIY bedbug remedies, but eventually agreed to the professionals doing it so that C would have a minimum of upset now that he's settling in.

The day came for the first spraying and we stayed out as long as they told us, plus a couple extra hours so by all rights everything should have been fine.  After being home for less than an hour I noticed an odd burning sensation on my face by my mouth and over the next 3 hours it continued to spread up my face to my eyes, ears and throat.  It got uncomfortable for me to swallow, and was starting to get difficult to breathe when finally L and my mother convinced me it was time to go to the ER.  Turns out I was having an allergic reaction to the spray that was used to kill the bugs I was having an allergic reaction to...

We slept at L's office that night and then the next morning we called the exterminator to find out just what was going on with me and what we should do.  His suggestion: get a lawyer and stay out of the house.  When we asked how long it would take for the chemicals I was having a reaction to to wear off he told us three months after each treatment.  Because of the level of infestation in our house (apparently for over a year before we moved in, unknown to the landlord because the last tenants were just awful) we were going to need three treatments with the last one being a month and a half after the first one.  If I've confused you and you're trying to do the math for just how long this means I'm supposed to stay out of the house it is going to end up being about 4.5 months from the first treatment until I'm able to move back in.

Yeah...

So for the past week I've been living in a tent in the backyard, only running into the house long enough to use the bathroom and to shower when absolutely necessary.  I can't cook for my family, can't tuck my kids into bed, can't snuggle up on the couch with my partner and watch movies (let alone share a bed).  Its been a nightmare.  My depression is setting in hard being separated from them like I am, and I'm just in the backyard.  Because of it being fall and the weather starting to change, even this situation isn't good enough because it gets absolutely frigid at night.  Our landlord offered to let us rent a little two bedroom place a few blocks over for cheaper than he'd normally rent it just because its his house that is causing my health issues.  Unfortunately even a cheap rental, when you add on utilities, is way more than our budget can stretch to cover.  Not to mention I'd be totally separated from the kids and alone except for my dog.

In steps my friend B with an offer for me to stay at her house while we wait for my house to be livable for me again.  This will save us hundreds of dollars and I won't be alone, but I'll still be without my kids and my love.  My mom has offered to take the kids to school in the mornings so I'll just do pick-ups and then come over to the house and hang out outside during the day.  Its going to be hard, but its a better solution than me living outside in bad weather, or living in a house completely alone.

I just can't wait until my life is back to normal.  I didn't move 1600 miles to be separated from my family.

Family

There is something special about the relationship L and C have with each other.  She has loved him even when she and I weren't allowed to talk to each other, before he even knew she existed she loved him.  And just last week, after a year and a half of her being in his life, and 8 months of her living with us, something heart-melting happened.  L sums it up best with her post on onesentence.org "The first time he called me "Mom", he was snuggling with me on the couch and then followed it up with "This is the best day.""  Something tells me she felt the very same way. 

The dynamic duo R & C posing on R's first
day of pre-school.

Our family is settling in nicely here in Colorado and despite all the big changes in their lives the kids are doing especially well.  They love having friends they get to play with all the time, R especially loves school, C is adjusting to school slowly but surely.  Best of all though is that a lot of C's behavior issues seem to be mellowing.  He's still got a lot of the 4/5 year old boy moodiness and limit testing going on, but the extreme temper tantrums and things of those ilk have pretty much gone by the wayside.  The fact that C is actually feeling safe enough in our new life to call L "Mom" makes me feel like just maybe uprooting their whole lives was worth it.  

Even R is starting to call L "Mama" pretty regularly and that melts my heart too.  They love her, and they are starting to realize that she's really sticking around.  For preschool, R was asked to draw a picture of her family and she managed it pretty well.  There are 5 different colored stick figures and her teacher labeled them all according to who R told her they were.  There was Brother, Mommy, Mama, Mimi(my mom) and RyRy.  Our current living situation may not be "normal" but at least the kids know they are loved.

Speaking of our living situation, I now know we aren't the only two mom family at the kids' school!  I saw another one yesterday when picking R up from pre-school, they were there to get their son from the 4 year old class.  It may not seem like a lot to some people, but knowing we aren't the only family like ours at the school is really reassuring.  Looks like we aren't as alone as I've been feeling after all.

**Author's note: Please forgive me if this post seems a bit jumbled, I'm sick as a dog and operating on not nearly enough sleep.  The second I'm used to, add the first in and well... **

What the heart wants

Back in March I wrote about what marriage equality meant to me and while it wasn't a long post it touched on how I truly feel about marriage equality.  Over the past five months as more states have been added to the list of those that allow same-sex marriages, and since moving from that does to one that only has domestic partnerships, I've had a lot of time to think.  I know, I know, that's where the burning smell is coming from.  Really though, I've thought a lot about this.

L and I are incredibly happy how we are.  For all intents and purposes we are living like we're married already but the truth of it is that we're not.  While us not being married really doesn't affect us at all in our personal lives and how we interact with each other I still want to be.  I want it so badly.  Yep, there it is for all the world to see, I want to marry my silly, compassionate, wonderful L.  I've always been a believer in second chances and what L and I have now is one huge second chance, one that I want to enjoy to its fullest and with no regrets.  I dream of the day that I will be able to call her my wife.

However, the catch here is that while L isn't opposed to the idea of marriage, she just isn't ready.  There is a lot to take into consideration before we take that plunge and I can understand why she wants to take her time to think it all over.  If it were just her and me involved in this whole thing it might be an easier decision for her, but we are raising two kids together as well (mine biologically but hers in heart which matters just as much!).  She wants to make sure that whatever decision we make will do right by C & R, as well as me and her.  There are also other things she needs to be able to take time thinking about too, and as ready as I am to throw all caution to the wind and just go for it I really admire her for wanting to be confident in her decision.

So, while my heart gets all warm and fuzzy and my eyes get misty at wedding stories, pictures and videos, I will just keep dreaming for now.  It may not be tomorrow, but hopefully someday in the relatively near future my lips will get to say the words that my heart already has and we will be able to share our love with our closest friends and family in a ceremony that is just as quirky and full of love and laughter as our life together already is.  I can't wait to see what our future holds!

Worries of a Kindergarten Mom: Where to even start?

Well, the post-move/before-start-of-school insanity is kicking in.  The house isn't fully unpacked yet, getting C enrolled in a school close to our house was a nightmare, and we're dead broke.  Yay!  

Okay, so maybe that yay really does make me seem crazy but I'm really beginning to feel it.  This move was killer on our finances and while I don't regret making it for an instant, the fact that it cost us nearly twice as much to move here as we expected, and that we're still paying on the house we left in WA until October 1st, means that buying school supplies and uniforms (yep, both kids' schools require uniforms instead of regular clothes) is going to be incredibly hard.  Can you feel my stress levels rising yet?  If you can't, just keep reading.

Even if we were still in WA and our finances weren't so dire I'd still be feeling the crazies right about now, however.  The impending upheaval in our family's daily lives is going to change everything.  Both kids will be going to school for the first time in only a matter of weeks.  My house will be empty of chatter, and screaming, and giggles for at least 3 hours a day while both kids are gone, and then even after R gets home from preschool its still going to be strangely quiet because by herself she's quiet as a mouse most of the time.  Then, once they're both home there is going to be homework to be done and stories to be told of their days spent away from me.  That'll be cool, but really weird.  

While I am excited for both C & R to go to school, because they are both so excited, I'm also getting pretty anxious as well.  I had sincerely hoped that both kids would be in the same school but as things have worked out they just won't be.  This means instead of one set of parents, teachers, and staff to get used to and try and fit in with I will have two sets.  Instead of only having to worry about how our kids would be accepted at one school for having two mommies who don't happen to be incredibly religious I'm now faced with two.

On the whole, I love our new city and our new life here.  But this whole school thing has me more than a little nervous.  I have no idea when the proper time is to mention to the kids' teachers that, oh by the way, I'm not their only mommy.  When I was doing C's enrollment papers the other day I think is when this hit me.  There were questions asking about who the child lives with, and what those people's relationships were to the child.  There were places for "parent/guardian #1" and "parent/guardian #2" and a third place for "parent the child doesn't live with".  It was cool, but a bit startling that the forms weren't just limited to mom and dad but that they made it pretty generic for any possible parenting combination.

When I got home from enrolling C, and the two of us being given the grand tour by one of the lovely secretaries, L asked me if I had mentioned that C had two mommies and I immediately felt bad that I hadn't.  If anybody actually takes the time to read the forms it will be crystal clear that he does, but it never came up in conversation and I was honestly too nervous to say anything.  I don't want C's first experience with school to have a shadow hanging over it before he even starts just because of who I love and am planning on spending my life with.  R is a lot more durable than her brother when it comes to change and not a whole lot phases her so even if there are issues at her school as well I have a feeling I will be able to cope with those better than if there are some at C's school.

My big worry right now is how/when to tell people about our family.  Where do I even start?  With the kids' teachers?  With the super sweet secretary?  With the principal?  With another parent?  A secondary worry I have has to do with those annoying money issues I mentioned earlier.  Most of the local assistance groups that help with school supplies and uniform costs are religious groups.  And while I wish it wasn't the case, I know that many of those groups do not like or approve of our type of family and I honestly would feel horribly awkward even going to them for assistance in the first place.  

Luckily I have L.  She's not much of a social butterfly, much like myself, but at least she is better able to handle my worries than I am.  She's the more level headed of the two of us by far.  I know that even if things do get rocky at either of the kids' schools she'll be able to help me not overreact too much.  I just wish I had at least one connection to a family like ours here, that way I could hopefully talk to other parents who have been through the worries I'm going through right now that could laugh and tell me everything will be just fine. 

We survived the move!

We made it to Colorado all in one piece!  Tired and cranky and ready to just settle into our new house, but we made it.  Two weeks ago.  Why haven't I posted this sooner?  Because trying to get settled in has been something of a chore.  We are quickly discovering that trying to squeeze two fully furnished houses into one is quite the challenge.  Not to mention our new abode is riddled with problems from the last tenants.  Our poor (but amazing!) landlord has been practically spending his days here for the past week trying to get it up to snuff.  He feels awful that we moved in with it in such awful condition but we don't mind too much.  It just means that he's more than happy for us to do little improvements around the place to make it nicer and more our own.  I honestly don't see us leaving here the whole time we're in Pueblo unless something even better comes up.

On top of the house problems I've been fighting with my once-broken foot.  It has been causing me a lot of pain and just the other night I kicked one of our boxes of stuff destined for the thrift store.  Today is day three since doing that and I'm only just now able to put my full weight on it again.  My down time from my foot means that the mountain of boxes hasn't shrunk at all since I hurt it.  We have unpacking and projects to get done but I just can't be on my foot for long.  Its so incredibly frustrating.

Despite the issues we've been dealing with, I'm really coming to love our new hometown.  I've got two amazing friends here, both of whom have kids the same ages as C & R so they've got friends here too.  We live a block from one big park, and two from a smaller one.  The big one just behind our house has a pool and a free splash park (fountains for the kidlets to splash around in) and both have nice play equipment.  There is a zoo not far away, a children's museum, and so many different activities for the kids that I just can't wait to have the time to get them involved in something.

Speaking of time, we've got just over three weeks until C's first day of Kindergarten and 1 month until R's first day of Pre-K!  I can't believe both of our kids are starting school this year, its just so strange.  They are both super excited about going to school though so I'm excited for them.  Just need to figure out where to get uniforms and find their school supply lists and get them ready.  Also need to change our address with the school district and hopefully get C into a school closer to our house.  As it is, the one he's enrolled at now is a 10+ minute drive from our house and since both he and R will need to be dropped off at/by 8am at different schools that'll be horribly inconvenient.  Oh well, the school district doesn't open up again until the 5th of August so I guess I'll just have to wait.

There are so many things left to do before we're totally settled but at least we're here.  Our family is back together (with the addition of my mom) and even though they talk to him a couple nights a week on Skype, the kids are finally adjusting to just living with L and me.  The stability of being in just one house is proving a good thing for them, just like we thought it would.  C is having fewer accidents at night and is being a little less defiant and R, well she's three so she's just going to be crazy for a while no matter what.  Over-all the stress on everybody seems to have lessened since we got here.  I miss our friends and family back in WA, but so far CO is proving to be a great fit for our family.

A little reprieve

This whole getting packed up and ready to move 1500 miles thing is rough.  Its even harder when the one person that would be the biggest support to me is already in our new hometown working her new job.  L has been in Colorado since the end of May, she left days after R's 3rd birthday, and it has not been easy with her gone.

For a few weeks I was juggling school, packing, kids, and legal paperwork so I could get permission to move the kids out of state.  Once school ended and I got the bulk of the paperwork for the courts done things should have gotten easier right?  Well sure!  Except they didn't.  My load got a little lighter, what with no homework and paperwork to do, but emotionally things got tougher.  L and I have done the long distance thing before and we knew what it was like so we thought we were prepared.  We weren't.  Not even close.

After having lived together for 5 months, having to separate again was the last thing we had expected to do.  Our relationship is sound, and I'm still ridiculously happy in it, but the first month or so that she was gone was really difficult.  We normally communicate pretty well but emotionally this separation was harder on both of us than the others and because of that the communication really suffered.  Talking ,skyping, and texting didn't really happen a lot for that first month as L got settled in our new town and in her new job.  Those things all reminded her of just how much she missed me, the kids and our life we were building before everything got crazy with this moving stuff.  I tried my hardest to understand her new emotional distance that helped her cope with the physical distance, but where she needed her space I need contact more than ever.  It was brutally hard.

Then something happened a couple weeks ago, I honestly don't know what changed, but one day she started joking with me again!  Whatever had been going on eased up and things have been getting back on track.  I think it had something to do with both of us realizing we only had a matter of weeks until we knew we were going to get to see each other again.  Regardless, the return of her joking around and more open demeanor brought instant relief for me.

While things had been going better for us, this past weekend though brought total stress relief for an amazing mini-visit.  L was here for less than 48 hours but it was perfect.  Her mom had come to visit and eyeball the house to see if she wanted to buy it (she did!) and L hadn't seen her in a while so she had booked a ticket up here.  For the first time in months I was asleep before midnight and the dang eyelid twitch that has been plaguing me since she left magically disappeared.  While both of those things were nice, the best part was seeing her and the kids together again.  I know I've said it many times before but C and R absolutely adore L and seeing the three of them together just melts my heart every single time.  To see the woman I love being loved by and loving on my littlest loves is, to me, pure perfection.  Having our little family complete again for even such a short time was just what I needed to get me through these next few hectic weeks.

So now L is gone to Colorado again, the kids are being little terrors like normal, and packing is super stressful.  But! I've had my emotional batteries recharged.  I can do this.  And in less than a week we will be leaving this town behind and starting our five day journey to L and our new life.

Worries of a Kindergarten Mom: Will my kids have problems in school because they have two mommies?

As I've been trying to wrangle all of the necessary details for our upcoming move into some semblance of order it just occurred to me tonight that starting in August when C and R start school, kindergarten and preschool respectively, that I'm going to get to navigate the possibly tricky world of elementary school politics.  I've never done this before and while I'm excited my kids are starting school and will be making new friends I can't help but wonder how their new friends' parents and teachers will feel about me and L.  How many other families at my kids' school are going to have two-mom or two-dad families?  Are we going to be something strange to gawk at or are we going to be just another ordinary couple?

When asking my friends for school advice for the kids this question wasn't even a blip on my radar of all-important-things-to-ask.  Instead I asked about the teachers, and the curriculum, and if they can handle kids with attention and emotional issues like C's.  Never once did I think to ask about things like if the school was LGBT friendly, or if it had serious religious leanings.  I don't think of these things because to me our family is just like any other with small children.  I don't think of these things because religion doesn't play a big part in our daily lives.

But now I'm worried.

The "what ifs" are bombarding my brain (at 2am no less), demanding to be given thought better late than never.  What if our kids get teased for having two moms.  What if the other kids' parents won't let them play with C and R because their family is "different".  What if (heaven forbid!) the teachers discriminate against C and R because they don't like mine and L's "lifestyle".  What if because we aren't a good Christian family that the kids get left out of after school playdates with their classmates?  What if, what if, what if?  If I didn't already have a headache this train of thought would definitely give me one!

At this point there isn't a whole lot that can be done.  The kids' information has been submitted, they are both enrolled.  We got to pick our first and second choice schools for the kids to go to but aside from that the school district will actually decide for us and once the decision is made and we are informed of it in late July/early August it'll be too late to change where they go this year.  Best case scenario all of my what if worryings will be for naught and the school that the kids wind up in will be fantastic and open-minded, regardless of our family make-up or religious beliefs.  Worst case scenario...  I don't really wanna go there but we all know it'll be bad.

Only time will tell how this turns out but I know I've got my fingers crossed.  I just really hope that our family's first foray into the public school system isn't a total bust simply because our kids have two mommies.